Transatlantic Drawl

Thinking about the differences in worldview between Britain and America, this John Oliver quote comes to mind:

It helps to lower your expectations. That’s a very British view of the world isn’t it? ‘Just lower your expectations.’ Here [in America] it’s ‘the sky’s the limit’ and in Britain it’s like whoa, don’t worry about the sky, just try and get through the day.

There’s something very funny about the way he describes the British view as “don’t worry about the sky.” The implication that it, too, could be a problem waiting to happen just seems right, somehow. “Hell is ’round the corner” as that husky-voiced Tricky once croaked.

8 Aug 2011, 5:18pm
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by Graeme

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Panic, etc.

There’s something about the British riots that is very… fake, I want to say, if that makes sense. It’s not, of course; it’s all too real, and horrible in a way that’s genuinely difficult to think about for too long without my head spinning. Sitting here in Portland, reading about cities in the country I came from burning and being destroyed in ways that seem like something out of a bad science fiction film, is a truly surreal experience. It doesn’t seem real, reading about police stations being set alight or people being pulled from motorbikes and rescued by gangs in vans looking to settle scores with the people who were trying to steal the bike. There’s something about reading the tweets and blog updates and the real-time updates like this that brings it closer to reality – the slowness of it, and the detail, perhaps, the fact that it’s not just cutting from major disaster to major diaster non-stop, but that there are moments of quiet and fear and confusion that remind you that there’s no greater plot to be serviced, that this is real life and real life is random in ways that you can’t comfort yourself by counting the moments until the next ad break or whatever.

I think of friends in London, and of places I recognize when they get named as being sites of fights or fires or whatever, and it doesn’t quite settle into my head properly. I’m glad about that, I think; I think if it did, if I really understood what was happening, I’d be terrified and depressed and would fully understand my powerlessness. Reading the news, everything feels as if it’s lighter and easier to fix than it actually is, and there’s something comforting about that misunderstanding.

Some Histories Are Written By The Losers

From Men of Tomorrow by Gerard Jones:

History is written by the winners – sometimes. But some histories are written by the losers. The history of the comic book has been told by those who got rooked and by those who sympathize with those who got rooked. The men who got rich from them kept their mouths shut. The men who founded the companies, bought the characters, and created the multimedia marketing empires kept their stories to themselves and let the writers and cartoonists write the history.

I’ve been thinking about that quote a lot, recently – Mostly in relation to the news that Disney/Marvel was awarded a summary judgment in the lawsuit filed by the estate of Jack Kirby over the termination of Marvel’s ownership of the characters Kirby created for them. There’s been a groundswell of support for Marvel making some level of reparation to the Kirby family on moral grounds, if not legal ones, following the decision, but what I keep thinking about is the fact that Disney and Marvel, on a corporate level, really don’t care about this matter at all. They get to keep their IP, and couldn’t care less about what the world thinks of them beyond that. History means nothing when compared with today and tomorrow, and the profits available therein.

Youth Is Wasted On The Bed-Phobic

I can’t exactly explain the mental connections necessary to get there, but somehow reading Grant Morrison’s Supergods the other week made me remember the mess that was my teenage bedroom. When I was a kid, there was a period – I was 15, maybe? 14? Somewhere around there – when I decided for no immediately apparent reason, to take the mattress off my bed, and pull it onto the ground, sleeping there for at least a few weeks (Months? It’s possible, but I really can’t remember), surrounded by just piles and piles of crap.

In my defense, none of it was perishable crap; it was mostly comic books, books and records, tapes and the like (I’m pretty sure all of this was long before a CD player entered my life, and even writing that makes me feel so old it’s depressing), all the detritus that you’d expect teenagers to collect in, I admit, a usually-more-organized fashion than I had. But it was everywhere, all over the floor and I’d sleep literally surrounded by it, lying on the mattress on the floor, happy as a clam.

I had a nighttime routine, in those days, as well; I’d listen to the Nicky Campbell radio show on Radio 1 – Mondays through Thursdays from 10pm through 12am, my fingers poised almost permanently over the tape deck in case a song came on that I loved and wanted to keep forever, while also writing a diary (now, thankfully, lost to the ages) so as to record my clearly-deep, important thoughts on world events and what little passed for my personal life back then. Not that much different from today, in other words.

Looking back, it’s depressing to realize how much of all of this was so clearly insular and literally surrounding myself away from the rest of the world for reasons that I’m not sure I could explain even now: Was I just the geek stereotype, uncertain how to fit in with everyone else in high school (I don’t know, to be honest; I certainly had many friends, and wouldn’t describe myself as picked on or bullied in the slightest)? Was I living out some weird idea of being “individual” that was in my head at the time? Did I really just have no idea how to do any of it at all, and was making it up and trying things out and seeing what happened? I have no idea. But I hadn’t thought of any of this for years, maybe longer, until I read Supergods, and suddenly remembering it, I feel like it’s some inexplicably important period in my past that shaped me in ways I can’t even begin to understand just yet.

If nothing else, maybe it explains why I have such a thing against camping these days.

And We All Know What PT Is Short For

During the trip to a friend’s wedding recently, a friend that I haven’t actually seen in a couple of years or so- the bride, in fact – made some kind of comment along the lines of how good I looked, and that clearly the whole working out thing was, you know, working out for me. I did my usual thing when someone compliments me (Look uncomfortable, immediately try to turn it into a joke and then change the subject), but it stuck in my head for a few days afterwards: I was someone who went to the gym. Weirder, I was someone who worked out with a personal trainer. How did that happen?

I don’t mean in the practical sense, of course – That, I could answer easily, and it would be a pretty dull explanation – but the fact that I am now that person still somehow surprises me, and underlines the fact that I’m not the person I was when I moved to the US, almost a decade ago now (There are times when I think, with more than a little embarrassment at the former me, how surprised and/or horrified the Then-Me would’ve been with the me I am now: There were some things that the then-me would have classified as being “too American” for him, and having a personal trainer would definitely, definitely be one of those things).

I think I knew, in the back of my mind, that I would at some point start some kind of exercise, if only because I am secretly far too vain to allow myself the chance to grow the kind of round belly that my dad had, but I’m not sure that that idea ever went further in my head than “Maybe I’ll do some sit-ups or something.” I can remember, way back when Kate and I were first married, her attempts to get me to go jogging with her and the do-I-really-have-to way I responded to them, half-heartedly running at ridiculously slow speed around the block. Exercise, I’d convinced myself after years of agonizingly-awkward high school gym classes, was not for me unless absolutely necessary.

I kept that attitude even when we joined our first gym here in Portland; I’d do the machines and run on the treadmills or whatever, but there was some sense of half-assing it and phoning it in, as much as anyone can actually phone in twenty minutes on a treadmill. I only started getting serious about it, I think, if I’m honest about it to myself, when Kate talked about getting a personal trainer and we met with her for the first time; there was some kind of… I don’t know, challenge, or implied responsibility, or something, that I responded to in a way that I never had before. A sense of “Oh, I’m going to do better than you think I can,” perhaps, that turned surprisingly quickly into “I’m going to try to do better than I think I can.”

(I don’t always feel that way, of course. Some days, I can barely manage anything more than “I’m going to be perfectly okay doing as well as I’ve done in the past, or even slightly less than that because oh my God those weights seem to have gotten heavier.”)

And so, I’m one of those people now. I’m someone who works out. I’m someone with a personal trainer, and who takes it more seriously than I would’ve expected. And if I could go back and talk to the Then-Me of a decade ago and tell them anything, it wouldn’t be “You’ll actually care about going to the gym three times a week and getting the right amount of exercise, and you’ll be completely okay with that,” it’d be “Start exercising now so that those damn Romanian Deadlifts won’t be so hard in ten years’ time.”

28 Jul 2011, 9:11am
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by Graeme

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Stop Making Those Eyes At Me, I’ll Stop Making Those Eyes At You

So much of my musical taste today is shaped by nostalgia of some form or another – Songs that remind me of experiences, people, places, or just what it was like to be a particular age when that song was playing on the radio. My love for the first Arctic Monkeys album, Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not isn’t any different, in a sense, because it’s almost entirely based on nostalgia, but it’s a fake nostalgia, if that makes sense.

I was too old, too married and too living-in-America to be living the life the songs on the album so vividly describe when it came out, back in… 2006, I think? But it’s a life I can remember, a life that feels like the one I used to live when I was in art school and every Monday and Thursday (and, sometimes, Friday and Saturday) would be spent out with friends at clubs and dancing and trying to pull and the whole thing turning into a blur of mundanity and optimism and hormones and music. What I love about songs like “Red Lights Indicate Doors Are Secured” and “I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor” isn’t just the spectacular spiky pop music – Seriously, these are songs that make you want to get up and dance with their singalongable melodies and bouncing basslines, even if that just means jumping up and down, pogo-style – but the lyrics, their focus on all the small details of those nights that you remember once someone mentions with a sense of “Of course, that’s what it was like, how could I have forgotten…?”

Whatever People Say I Am is a pretty perfect pop album, short and honest and filled with songs to stick in your head. I didn’t really pay that much attention to the follow-ups, and sometimes regret that, but that feeling is always countered in my head with the idea that what made me fall in love so deeply with the record is something that couldn’t really follow through on any follow-ups: The idea that this was reportage from the front lines, the way life really was. As the band became more and more successful, their lives changed, and any attempt to do the same thing over and over again would’ve seemed forced and fake, and defeated the very thing that I loved so much in the first place.

But this one album? It’s “Teenage Kicks” by the Undertones, but better, for an entire album.

27 Jul 2011, 8:56am
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I Seem To Spend My Whole Life Running From People Who Will Be


I know, of course, that Oasis were never the most critically-acceptable band, and that the fall-out of the divorce between the Gallagher brothers so far has been the almost-comically rough Beady Eye album (I really liked the first single, “Bring The Light,” and then the album was horrifically bad), but… I kind of love the debut single from Noel Gallagher’s new project, the hilariously named “Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds” (The song itself is called “The Death of You and Me,” a title you have to wonder whether or not was created to bait the journalists and fans looking for secret messages about the end of Oasis). I don’t know if it’s the pretty melody in the chorus, the brass band, or just the fact that I liked “The Importance Of Being Idle,” an Oasis song that bears a close resemblance to this. But, no matter what the reason, this feels like a nice way to come back: Gentle, melancholy, longing.

Where I’m Not (Reprise)

Reading Simon Reynolds’ Bring The Noise collection of music journalism this weekend, I came across this passage:

Field-researching the piece in clubs like Liberty’s and Twice As Nice, I found myself wondering why on earth anyone would voluntarily expose themselves to the toxic atmosphere of tension, incivility and snooty attitude that permeates these events. I mean, my excuse was I was being paid to be there, and got in for free – why would you actually pay – queue for ages, and then pay hard-earned dosh – to experience such sustained unpleasantness?

Reading that on the same weekend that I wasn’t at Comic-Con, and finding myself both missing the experience in some unexplainable manner but, judging from all the reports I was seeing online, also thinking that there was absolutely nothing new or different about this year’s Con compared with last year’s, or the one before that or the one before that, and so on, bells were ringing in my head. I realized that I couldn’t remember the last time I went to a comic book convention when I wasn’t working, and that it’s possible that I don’t, actually, like comic book conventions.

I feel very unsettled by this realization. Does it make me a bad geek? Does it mean that I am somehow letting the side down, by not inherently finding the idea of spending four days in the same convention center, surrounding by a crushing crowd of strangers and going to panels to hear familiar-sounding PR and anecdotes, exciting? I’m unsure; part of me wants to say that, no, it means I have a sense of perspective on life that should surely be applauded – While many friends did that very thing this weekend, I went to a picnic in a park with friends, and then spent the evening relaxing in the garden, reading: I’d like to think that I win, in terms of comparison – but there really is this niggling feeling that I’m missing out on something by even thinking that, and that I’ve definitely missed out on something by staying home this year, instead of paying hundreds of dollars to feel disconnected and uncomfortable in a hotel for a week.

The mind is a strange thing, truly. And, at times like this, frustratingly self-sabotaging.

25 Jul 2011, 9:07am
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by Graeme

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For You, I Was A Flame

It feels weird to say that there was something surprisingly upsetting about the news that Amy Winehouse was discovered dead in her apartment this weekend; the word “surprising” suggests that I should’ve have been upset, or that there’s some other kind of reaction I would have hoped to have, neither of which are true. But, nonetheless, it felt like more of a shock that I would’ve thought, perhaps, and I found myself feeling more upset than I normally do, reading about deaths of celebrities, as if it was the death of someone I’d actually met, if that makes sense.

I hadn’t met Amy Winehouse, of course. It’s not like we moved in the same social circles, or even liked on the same continent, so I have no idea why I read the news with such a sense of sadness and the dull ache in my head that felt like I was shutting down some bigger reaction pre-emptively. I was a fan, I’ll happily admit that, but I wasn’t such a fan that I’d done more than enjoy Back to Black and her rare cameo-appearances on songs since then (I love her covers of “Cupid” and “It’s My Party” that appeared on compilations over the last few years). I’d never seen her live, and I found her first album, Frank, pretty disappointing when I searched it out.

But there was something about her, and about her music. She was a mess, yes, but she was so fucking talented – Not just her singing (Although, God, that voice), but her songwriting, too. There was a humor and a sadness there that really stood out, something that demanded you pay attention. I hadn’t noticed them at first, hearing “You Know I’m No Good” for the first time and noticing Mark Ronson’s production and the Dap-Kings’ horns more than Amy herself, but the more I listened to Back to Black, the more obvious it became that these were really, really well-written songs, ones that had more depth than you might’ve suspected, and were the product of a smart writer who’d been around and lived this stuff, and who also knew pop music on some level that can’t be taught.

Even though I love the retro-60s-soul sound of Mark Ronson, my favorite Amy Winehouse song isn’t something that he’s behind; it’s not even a finished version of a song. The original demo of Back to Black‘s “Love Is A Losing Game” lacks the swagger and the sound of the version on the album, but it makes up for it with simplicity and a heartbreaking performance, vocally. Winehouse was only, what, 21, 22 when this was recorded? Imagine what she could’ve been capable of in the future.

22 Jul 2011, 8:58am
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by Graeme

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But Where Does She Go


Since buying the reissued version of Suede’s 1994 album Dog Man Star last week – and then getting over the realization that said album is almost twenty years old and oh God I am so old – I’ve become weirdly obsessed with the question of why the album wasn’t more influential amongst the musicianati of the world. Don’t get me wrong; I know that the vocals (and the lyrics, most definitely) are things to be left to the drug-fueled ambition of the ’90s, but the music of that version of Suede – the mix of 1970s prog and glam, with pretentious classical steals and guitars permanently turned to “epic” – had a hunger and depth that was never really followed up on in the wash of Britpop that soon overtook the world after DMS came out. Even bands like Rialto and Gene and all those Britfop bands, they wanted to be the Smiths, not Suede, and it took Bernard Butler himself to follow up on some of the threads on the Sound of McAlmont and Butler album, and some of his solo work.

It’s sad; I listen to the music – again, not so much the vocals – of something like “The Asphalt World” and there’s something there that I wish there was more of, even if I can’t properly explain what it is. An echo of some Earth-3 version of the 1970s, played through a scuzzy speaker, trying to escape to happier places.